


Friend of the Squirrels

by Benfrosh



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Squirrels, Violence, first person conversational
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9720335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benfrosh/pseuds/Benfrosh
Summary: So this story gets a little strange, alright honey? Like, muk tuk aglee strange. You'll have to promise me you'll stick with me til I get to the end. Any questions you have, I swear I'll answer them once we're through. Alright? We good? Cool.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Guykatsu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Guykatsu).



So this story gets a little strange, alright honey? Like, muk tuk aglee strange. You'll have to promise me you'll stick with me til I get to the end. Any questions you have, I swear I'll answer them once we're through. Alright? We good? Cool. 

So me and Joel - Joel Bradstone, you know him. Used to work at the diner, but he quit to become a lumberjack? Yeah, Joel. Two weeks back he and I were at the bar, shooting the shit as always, when he mentioned he wanted to go on a roadtrip. See the sights, enjoy nature, that kind of shit. I ask him, what's he thinking of seeing? Because you know me, I love nature. I'd live in the woods if I could. Okay, that's a lie, but you know what I'm saying. Anyways, he says he's thinking of going to Pikes Peak, says there's a car race going on there he wanted to see. I'm like, well sure as shit I'll take that kind of excuse to go, I can take some time off because it's the offseason and all, no reason for me not to. Aw, what am I saying, you know this part already, I told you all about it before we left. I felt kinda silly leaving my girlfriend alone for a week without warning you beforehand, but you said you didn't want to go and, man, looking back, I am so glad you didn't. 

So Saturday we've packed up the truck, loaded up, ready to go, and boy am I pumped up, I've got the list of national parks I wanna hit up on the way there, got the whole schedule planned out, but ol' Joel was being a real spoilsport about it, all "long as we get there on time" and "I ain't planning to spend my free time trawling through dirt and mud." Me, I'm thinking "why'd you agree to go on a roadtrip with me then", but I wasn't gonna say nothing. Mama didn't raise me to be rude. So we're going down and - heck, I ain't gonna bore you with the trip. That isn't the important part, anyways. 

It's not til we get to Colorado that things start getting interesting. We cross the state border, and it's getting pretty late, but we haven't found anywhere to stop for the night yet. I'm considering straight up pitching a tent in the woods, but Joel's insistent that we keep going. Says he saw a town coming up, Derryville, that should have actual food and beds - not quite on the highway we were taking, a bit out of the way, but it was the closest town. I figure, sounds right to me, even if it was getting pretty dark out and I was getting pretty tired. I should've asked Joel to drive, but- well, I don't quite know what would've happened if I did, in retrospect. Maybe things turned out alright anyways.

So I'm driving, we've turned onto one of the side roads to head to Derryville, it's pretty cold out, and if I had known I'd be driving differently, but we hadn't checked the temp in hours at that point. I'm driving along and - for some reason I still don't know - there's a goddamn squirrel in the middle of the road. I thought the little bu- they hibernated for the winter, but there's one just dashing along the road. And I couldn't live with myself if I killed one, and it's just staring down the headlights, so I try to move into the other lane to dodge it. Little did I know there was a big ol' patch of black ice in the middle of the road, and we start spinning out, Joel's screaming his head off, I'm trying to pump the brakes praying to God I don't just die on the spot in the middle of goddamn Nowhere, Colorado, and the back of the truck slams into a nearby tree and brings us to a stop. The back's completely ruined, but thank God I was just dazed. Joel was still screaming at me like "what the fuck, what were you doing, it was just a goddamn squirrel" but I was barely hearing any of that at this point, I was just thinking about what a goddamn nightmare it was going to be to get the truck replaced, the insurance nightmare, how I was going to get another truck. So I'm dazed, I get out of the truck, and I go into autopilot, whip out my phone, start taking pictures of the truck, recording its condition, getting ready to make the insurance claim. Joel's settled down, still seething, but at least he wasn't hurt, it looked like, just the poor rear got mangled. 

I'm done with the truck, so I figure, hey, let's take a picture of the ice, yeah? Maybe they'll take pity on me if they see there was nothing I could have done about it. So I go back out in the road, make sure I'm looking both ways, no one's coming, trying not to slip on the same damn ice, and I see it. The damn squirrel is still there, in the middle of the road, staring me down. And Lord help me, for some reason, my first instinct was to kneel down, stare it right in the eyes, and ask it "Hey bud, you doing alright?"

And I swear to God Almighty himself the squirrel replied, "Yes, thanks to you. I am forever in your debt."

Now, maybe I was concussed from the accident and didn't realize it, maybe I was just panic hallucinating, but for some reason I didn't doubt any of that at the time. I was one hundred percent convinced that squirrels could always talk and this was just their way of introducing me to the fact. So I smile, and just reply back, "Glad to hear it. Be safe, okay? Cars can only do so much on these icy roads, and they're bigger than you are."

Poor guy nods at me, he's obviously still shaking from seeing death approaching him. "I will do just that, kind stranger. Know this - as long as you are within our territory, I shall see to it that you are protected. It is the smallest favor I could do for you."

I chuckle, of course, because he's just being so gosh-darned gracious when all I did was try not to kill him. "Thanks, bud. Appreciate it," I tell him. "You run off home now, okay?" And the little bud nods and scampers off.

So I'm walking back to the car, still laughing about meeting an honest-to-God talking squirrel, and Joel's in there, and he's giving me this hellfire death stare from the cab, eyes friggin' aglow with hate. I'm a bit startled, and he turns away. I figure, must have been a trick of the moonlight, and I head back to the truck. He grumbles, tells me he's called a tow truck, so I figure okay, that's the best we can do, so I hunker back in and wait until it shows up. I figure not much else to do, right?

We're sitting there, not saying a word to each other, when finally the truck comes up along the road, fair bit away from where we spin out and hit the tree. I see the logo on the side, and I shit you not? King of the Elves Towing. At the time I had no bloody clue why Joel'd call up someone called King of the Elves Towing, but hell, maybe it was just for the novelty, I thought. Joel was still being a grumpy guss, so I hop out and head on over to say hello.

Driving the truck was this kindly old man, gray haired, little balding in places. He sees me walking up, waves at me, pops out of his truck. "Hey there, you called? Name's Shadrach Jones," he introduces himself, holding his hand out. 

I'm feeling pretty amiable, so I take his hand with a smile, shake it firmly - man had a surprisingly tough grip for his age, I'll tell you what. I introduce myself to him, we're making small talk, we head over to the truck. He lets out a low whistle, asking "Sure was a mighty fine accident we had here. What happened?" I tell him about the squirrel, and he smiles, shakes his head. "Awfully noble of you to risk your life to save his. The squirrels will remember that." I'm thinking, well, he's just playing along, but then I realize I never told him about the squirrel talking to me. So I ask him what he means by that, and he tells me, no shit?

"I mean what I said. The squirrels have been an honorable ally of the elves, and they always honor their debts."

So I figure, okay, let's just go with it. We keep walking, and I'm looking in the front of the truck, and Joel isn't there. I'm panicking, I don't want to go hunting for Joel in god-forsaken nowhere, so I start shouting for him. Shadrach's just chilling there, making a concerned face as he looks around the clearing. I figure he's just helping me look for Joel, and - well, I was right, it turned out, but for the wrong reason.

Before I can even hear the bastard, Joel pops out from nowhere and grabs ol' Shadrach from behind. I'm shouting as soon as I realize what's going on, Joel's glaring me down, but Shadrach doesn't even flinch. Dude just stands there calmly as Joel's got his arm around Shadrach's neck, not even blinking an eye. I ask Joel over and over, put him down, let him go, what the fuck are you doing, Joel. Joel just stares back at me, and he growls. Like, an animal, ferocious growl. And he whispers at me, "The King of the Elves shall perish tonight." I'm thinking Joel's having a psychotic break or something, but then -

I don't know how to describe what happened next. The moonlight seemd to hit Joel just right, and he changed. Or rather, he reverted. His nails seemed five, six inches long. His skin looked like it was covered in purple scales. His eyes narrowed, and glowed an unearthly, yellow color. And he reached back with his claw, like he was going to cut Shadrach in half. 

But before he could, a nut sailed from a nearby tree and smacked ol' Joel square in the temple, and blood spurted out. He recoiled, dropping Shadrach who stumbled to his feet, and spun about to look for who hit him. Before he could find them, however, more nuts flew out, smacking him in the face over and over, as a huge horde of squirrels charged from the woods and just fucking leapt on him, chewing, gnawing, tearing at him. I ain't never seen anything like that, and God have mercy I hope I never have to again. He was flailing, screaming, squirrels being flung from him with flesh still in their teeth. He didn't stand a chance, though, not against such a coordinated attack. He fell down, crushed under the squirrels, and they dissipated all but one, leaving a torn-apart purple monster on the ground. 

I took a closer look. It was Joel, alright - I recognized the birthmarks, the shape of the face. But it wasn't the Joel I knew. This Joel was a monster. "A troll," Shadrach corrected my thoughts. I turned to see him, and he had grim determination on his face. "The elves had successfully exterminated the local population. I made sure of that myself," he continued, plainly ignoring the confusion on my face. "But you're from out of town, aren't ya?"

I nodded. What else could I do?

Shadrach solemly nodded in response. "Makes sense. Guess they got a distress call out, called for some foreign help. Thankfully the squirrels were here to help us out. Got you to thank for drawing their attention, I guess," he added, firing me a wink and a grin as he did.

I just scratched my head as I nervously laughed, while the last squirrel came up to me. "I did not expect our debt to be settled so soon," the squirrel quipped at me.

I kneel down, and sure enough, it's the same squirrel I had just saved. I recognized the black streak across his brown fur. "Me neither. Funny how the world works, isn't it?" I finally respond.

The squirrel patted at his face, which I took as a sign of agreement. "It feels wrong, however, to leave it like this, especially now that you know the threat of the trolls. They are insidious, and will stop at nothing to slay the King of the Elves. While we have no part in the conflict, we dare not see our foremost allies in the region crumple, and so we also strike against them whenever possible."

I gulp. "Seems awfully dangerous. What can I do about them?"

The squirrel paused, in thought. "I can give you this. Three magic words, that will strip away the disguise of a troll, and let you see past their human forms to their true selves. If you are a true friend of the elves and the squirrels, you will strike them down." 

I nodded. "I can't promise much, I'm a softhearted person."

The squirrel chittered, I presume a laugh. "That is how we ended up here. I shall also teach you the secret whistle, to summon the squirrels. Our reach is far greater than you may expect. We shall resolve any troll problems you may happen across."

"That's fair. The least I could do for you. So what are the magic words?" I ask.

The squirrel hops up on my arm and skitters its way up to my ear, and whispers quietly. "Muk tuk aglee."

It hopped back off, and looked up at me once more. "Keep in mind it will take several minutes for the effect to complete. You must stay near the troll the whole time for it to keep in effect, and you must not let them know they are compromised until it's too late. They do not know the words or their import, and you must make sure they never know of the powerful weapon in our arsenal."

And that was the end of that story. I made my alliance with the squirrels, they scampered off, Shadrach helped me get back to town and helped me with a cover story for poor ol' Joel's passing, we got me a new truck, and I'm back here with you, honey. And it's been a few minutes, now, hasn't it? And I can see that your skin ain't the normal tan I love on you so much, honey. And your eyes aren't the blue I lose myself in anymore. And your nails don't look like you been cutting them regularly.

I'm sorry, honey.


End file.
